Ocean
by D-chan
Summary: Shoujo ai :: M+S :: hints of S+S, T+S :: One-shot :: Mei Ling reflects upon her love by the ocean... The ocean responsible for the whole beginning...


**:: Ocean ::**

_by D-chan_

Cardcaptor Sakura

Rating: PG

Warnings: Shoujo ai, mild swearing, death

Pairing: M+S

Side Pairings: S+S, T+S

Notes: I have NO idea how I came up with this; it's really strange. But, hey, it's just another tribute to my favorite shoujo ai couple ever. ^^ Enjoy, minna-san. It's a one-shot; remember that.

The ocean. I fell in love with _her_ because of the ocean. Had the sparkling blue depths not existed, I doubt that I ever would have realized my truest, innermost feelings towards her.

I had always envied her even on first sight. I had first laid sight on her brilliant green eyes, soft brown hair and adorably confused expression when I was ten, exactly nine years ago tomorrow. She had been cute and I knew she would someday evolve into an unintentional heartbreaker. Hai, I could understand that the moment I set eyes on her.

Kinomoto Sakura. That was her name. How one could be so innocent and naive I never could understand until I got to know her - which took a while, as I was stubborn on trying to hate her for the longest time.

"Mei Ling!"

She had called my name six years ago, when I was thirteen. At the time I was annoyed; why couldn't she call me "Li-san" like everyone else?

"Good evening, Kinomoto-san," I had returned, glancing her way.

"What are you doing at the beach to late?" she inquired, smiling sweetly. After all that I'd done to her, she still held no ill will towards me.

"I ought to be asking you the same thing," was my answer.

She smile didn't falter. "Just taking a walk and a quick swim before I head home. I noticed you standing here on my way leaving so I decided to see what was going on. You looked so thoughtful a moment ago."

Sweet, sweet innocent Sakura. Would I trust her with a secret? Of course, I realized. I could; she was a dependable person in that respect.

"I'm afraid."

How cutely she could go from looking so sweet and innocent to looking so puzzled and even more innocent. "Afraid?"

"It's so big, so wide, so deep, so... Endless."

"The ocean?" I nodded. "Hai," she agreed. "It is."

I turned to look at her. "It doesn't frighten you?"

She shook her head, still looking mildly confused but that faint smile playing on her lips. I could have sworn that she never stopped smiling. "Iie. Should it?"

"It could pull you in without warning and destroy you in an instant. How can you not be afraid of such a powerful thing? You play in it as though it were a sandbox in your backyard."

Now her eyes held a little mirth. "It is like a backyard sandbox to me, Mei Ling. I don't fear it, so it is gentle with me. When it decides to become too rough with me I leave until it calms down again. I think that it calms because it wants me to come back."

What a strange analogy, and yet it rang a ring of truth that she didn't even realize was there. Everyone wanted to get to know her, Sakura, because she was so sweet and gentle, always so kind and next to never aggressive. Not to mention that she was, as Daidouji Tomoyo always so, "So kawaii!"

I snorted softly more out of habit than anything else and looked away. "You're so childish, Kinomoto-san."

"I'm not the one afraid of a little water." I glared at her but faltered when I realized she had merely been teasing me. "Come on, Mei Ling... I will help you."

"Help me?" I parroted in confusion but she had already grasped my hands and was pulling me across the sandy beach towards the water. Terror began to well up inside of me as I was pulled into knee-deep water. "Stop it," I said sharply.

Sakura paused, staring at me thoughtfully for a moment, before she released my hands. "You're right. I'm sorry," she said softly. I began to relax until she said "We should take it one step at a time."

"What?!"

She smiled at me encouragingly and for a fleeting moment I felt a strange sense of... I'm still not quite sure what it was, longing, perhaps? Wistfulness? I don't know, but for that moment I completely understood two things; why Daidouji-san called her "so kawaii!" and why she was infatuated with her as well.

"Mei Ling, you can't let something as beautiful and natural as the ocean scare you. Just become a creature of the ocean for a little while... It's actually very fun!" She leaned up on her toes slightly to see my ruby-red eyes better and said, "... And I'll help you, if you'll let me."

I let her.

Step by step, slowly, one piece at a time, she began to help me try and overcome my fear of death by the sea. Why something so silly frightened me I still don't know, but I had paranoia of it. Not all water, of course, I was fine with things like swimming pools... But just the ocean, the force... It was stronger than I, and it scared me.

Throughout the entire hour she was with me that night, she was always touching me one way or another; holding my hand, touching by shoulder, guiding me with her hand on my arm. Why was she helping me? Why did she care about such a silly fear? I don't know and will never know, but I did know that by the time I was on land again, both of my wet feet planted firmly in the sand, salt water dripping from my long hair, I did know that I appreciated Sakura and her qualities so much more. In fact, right when she waved good-bye to me in that childish but cute way of hers, that adorable smile still on her lips, I knew I was crushing on Kinomoto Sakura.

_And here I am, at the ocean again._

For another four years I kept those strange feelings locked away in my heart. I watched as my dear cousin Syaoran asked her out, loved her, held her, and the whole time I was insanely jealous but kept my feelings to myself. And yet, somehow Daidouji-san always knew.

"Li-san, daijoubu ka?"

I stared at her blankly. "Hai. Doushite?"

She smiled that soft but so sweet smile, a smile I used to find sickening but now found kind of pretty. Iie, I didn't hold any feelings towards her other than friendship, it's a simple observation.

"Why didn't you tell Sakura-chan?"

I felt my face warm. "Tell her what?"

"You know."

I remember standing up, looking at her challengingly. "How did you know?" I'd demanded softly. "I haven't told a soul, not even Syaoran."

"I can tell. It's in your eyes, Li-san." She smiled. "Eyes as expressive and deep as the ocean itself."

The damn ocean again. Somehow or another it always found a way to creep into my thoughts connecting to Sakura; it was insane.

"Why didn't _you_ tell her _your_ feelings?"

Daidouji-san giggled softly. "I did in subtle ways. Sakura-chan is slightly dense and I love her for that. Demo whatever makes her happy, makes me happy."

"My cousin is in love with her," I'd said bluntly. "And I want both him _and_ Sakura to be happy. Besides, I can't do anything for her." I'd smirked. "I'm loud, rude, brash, and the list goes on. In short, not someone fit for someone as pure as our dear Sakura."

When Daidouji smiled knowingly I realized I'd just called her _our_ dear Sakura, not _your_ dear Sakura. I blushed furiously and quickly left, but Daidouji still had one more thing to say to me.

"If you ever need to talk, Li-san, I'm always there for you."

_The sparkling blue depths, so pretty, so cold, so deep..._

"Iie!"

I stared at my cousin in shock and disbelief. His warm brown eyes were dim, lids red and swollen from crying. He sank into the couch, burying his head in his hands.

"It's true," he whispered. "I... I know we're not together anymore, Sakura and I, demo... Demo I still love her... And it hurts so much..."

"You're lying!" I screamed, startling him. "Iie... Iie!" I leapt at him, trying to kick him, punch him, hurt him. He caught me easily, shouting over my cries, "Mei Ling! What's wrong with you?! I know it's horrible, but you're overreacting!"

"Iie! I'm not!" I cried. "She can't... She can't... _She can't leave us!_ Damn you, Sakura, damn you!"

Growling he shoved me away. "Stop right there! Don't go blaming Sakura for something she had no control over!"

"Fine! If she dies I'll blame _you!_" I screamed before wrenching away from him and running, running out of that apartment, into the streets. Blindly I ran, not knowing where I was going or where I would end up, but...

Somehow I found myself in front of Daidouji-san's house and then I was at the gate, pressing my hand against the buzzer. "Daidouji-san!" I shouted. "Daidouji-san!"

It was a moment before I heard a response. "The mistress is coming, miss." One of her damned servants.

Daidouji-san was running to the gate, breathless as though she had run from the highest room in that place to the gate. The gates slid open and immediately she wrapped her arms around me, trying to comfort me even as she held back tears of her own. Dimly I realized I was being unfair, begging for comfort when Daidouji-san needed it as well, but all I could think was, _'She can't die.'_

"Mei Ling-chan," Daidouji finally said after my sobs had died down. "You need to tell her."

"She needs you more than me," I mumbled incoherently, wiping my eyes free of tears. I was probably a mess now, but for once I didn't care.

Then she took my hands, pressed them together tightly and said softly, "Mei Ling, you've been holding this back for nearly five years. She knows of my feelings and told me she couldn't return them; she was in love with another."

"Syaoran..."

"Iie."

I stared at her for a long moment before a startled gasp fell from my lips. "I... I..."

Daidouji-san smiled sweetly, her own eyes shimmering with tears. "I shall escort you there, Mei Ling."

I was eighteen years old.

_The ocean is, nevertheless, beautiful._

Now, a year later, I stare out at the ocean again. I'm nineteen years old. I've loved, really loved... And lost.

I had arrived a moment too late. By the time I got there, she was gone.

Sakura.

I cried then, and now, when I want to cry again, I can't seem to summon the tears. Facing the cold ocean, I shouted, "Are you happy where you are, Kinomoto Sakura?! Are you? You'd better be! You'd better be ten times as happy as I am! You'd better be!" I can feel the emotions, but no tears.

"Wo ai ni, Sakura!" I cried. "It's far too late now, you'll never know, demo... Wo ai ni!"

"Wo ai ni, Mei Ling-chan."

I froze, whirling around sharply. No one was there; acres of beach and ocean surrounded me.

"Wo ai ni... Mei Ling-chan..."

Something fluttered down, gracing my cheek, tickling me. I grasped it in my hand, slowly uncurling my fingers to look.

A cherry blossom. Sakura. But... Here? At the ocean?

I sighed, closing my eyes. Strange things happened; this was just another strange thing. But it was something, nonetheless, and I knew.

I'd be lonely for the longest time now, but maybe... Maybe after this life I won't be lonely anymore. Who knows? Only the angels, whose secrets are buried deep in the ocean where no one would be able to dig them up.

Oddly enough, I owed the ocean so much.

Sakura-chan...

**:: Owari ::**


End file.
